Stuck in the middle..

I have a nasty habit of getting stuck in the middle. I always find myself in situations where I'm in the middle of trying to keep two people happy.

Maybe I'm a pushover, maybe i need to grow a back bone and tell people to sort out their own bullshit but I'm so tired of always trying to please everyone.

I don't know how to be that person though. I don't know how to stick up for myself and i never have. Is this a skill i was meant to developed at some point in my life and missed? Where do i go to get some balls?

I can tell myself i don't care until the cows come home but it won't make it true. I do care, I care way too much. Probably about people who don't deserve it, and probably about situations that don't matter but its ingrained so deeply into who i am i can't change it.

Time after time i get stuck between two people trying to make both parties happy. 

What about my happiness? Who's there worrying about my happiness? I don't know. I'm not saying no one cares because i know that they do but why am i always given the title of peace keeper? 

Trying to keep someone happy who is in my life regardless of any situation that arises and trying to keep the person i want to spend my life with happy.. 

Am i missing something? Is it them that should be more understanding or am i just not trying hard enough?

I don't know but this is my ramble for today anyway.

Pondering Life..

In 2017 i will be turning 26, now i know in reality its not old and that I'm still very young and have my whole life ahead of me but to me it feels old. I'm not ready to be 26 and if I'm being honest I'm not where i thought i would be at 26.

I'm a mum of two amazing kids, i have a wonderful partner who I'm incredibly thankful for. I have a job that i enjoy and as of next month i will also be a Uni student. i have a great life and I'm not complaining about it at all, I'm blessed for all the things i have.

But i know i can't be the only one who looks at their life and feels like i should have accomplished more, or maybe that there is more i should be doing. 

I guess I'm writing this post so that in a few months when i have a million things going on i can look back and laugh at myself for being such a goose. Because life is about to get a lot busier for me, not only do i have all the things mentioned above going on but my oldest child is about to start school for the first time *cries* and we have a big life change also happening in April.

Not being where i thought i would be at 26 isn't necessarily a bad thing though is it? Who really knows where life is going to take us? In 2016 my life completely did a 180 and i had to learn to be a different person from the person i had spent most of my life being.

I think that life has a funny way of knowing what we need even if it seems hard or horrible or perfect at the time it gives us what we need to be the person we are and who we will become.

I'm going to end this incredibly cliche post about life by saying to my future self when i read this back:

Your incredibly lucky and every challenge you have faced until this point you have made it through.You are doing a good job, stop comparing yourself to other people.

Just Do YOU